Joke Thread

[WHO_99]

hahahahahaha . nice one TB


ten thumbs up smilies for telling a great joke. lol

[stickcult]

NICE

[RYANMILLER36]

NICE

what do you call a bunch of players on a elevator?

[hippo999]

NICE

what do you call a bunch of players on a elevator?

people

[RYANMILLER36]

NICE

what do you call a bunch of players on a elevator?

people

no a game.

[stickcult]

huh?

[hippo999]

huh?

yeah i dont understand too

[TwistedSystem]

So one electron says to the other, "I've lost my charge" and the other electron says, "Are you positive?"

[TwistedSystem]

If the river runs red, take the brown path.

[fishki]

If the river runs red, take the brown path.

ewwww

[Guest]

If the river runs red, take the brown path.

ewwww

sounds like a girl is having a period so take the poop lol

[WHO_99]

i found this while using stumbleupon.com lol

Why Americans Should Never Be Allowed To Travel

The following are actual stories provided by travel agents:



I had someone ask for an aisle seats so that his or her hair wouldn't get messed up by being near the window.

A client called in inquiring about a package to Hawaii. After going over all the cost info, she asked, "Would it be cheaper to fly to California and then take the train to Hawaii?"

I got a call from a woman who wanted to go to Capetown. I started to explain the length of the flight and the passport information when she interrupted me with "I'm not trying to make you look stupid, but Capetown is in Massachusetts. "Without trying to make her look like the stupid one, I calmly explained, "Capecod is in Massachusetts, Capetown is in Africa." Her response ... click.

A man called, furious about a Florida package we did. I asked what was wrong with the vacation in Orlando. He said he was expecting an ocean-view room. I tried to explain that is not possible, since Orlando is in the middle of the state. He replied, "Don't lie to me. I looked on the map and Florida is a very thin state."

I got a call from a man who asked, "Is it possible to see England from Canada?" I said, "No." He said "But they look so close on the map."

Another man called and asked if he could rent a car in Dallas. When I pulled up the reservation, I noticed he had a 1-hour lay over in Dallas. When I asked him why he wanted to rent a car, he said, "I heard Dallas was a big airport, and I need a car to drive between the gates to save time."

A nice lady just called. She needed to know how it was possible that her flight from Detroit left at 8:20am and got into Chicago at 8:33am. I tried to explain that Michigan was an hour ahead of llinois, but she could not understand the concept of time zones. Finally I told her the plane went very fast, and she bought that!

A woman called and asked, "Do airlines put your physical description on your bag so they know who's luggage belongs to who?" I said, "No, why do you ask?" She replied, "Well, when I checked in with the airline, they put a tag on my luggage that said FAT, and I'm overweight, is there any connection?" After putting her on hold for a minute while I "looked into it" (I was actually laughing) I came back and explained the city code for Fresno is FAT, and that the airline was just putting a destination tag on her luggage.

I just got off the phone with a man who asked, "How do I know which plane to get on?" I asked him what exactly he meant, which he replied, "I was told my flight number is 823, but none of these darn planes have numbers on them."

A woman called and said, "I need to fly to Pepsi-cola on one of those computer planes." I asked if she meant to fly to Pensacola on a commuter plane. She said, "Yeah, whatever."

A businessman called and had a question about the documents he needed in order to fly to China. After a lengthy discussion about passports, I reminded him he needed a visa. "Oh no I don't, I've been to China many times and never had to have one of those." I double checked and sure enough, his stay required a visa. When I told him this he said, "Look, I've been to China four times and every time they have accepted my American Express."

A woman called to make reservations, "I want to go from Chicago to Hippopotamus, New York" The agent was at a loss for words. Finally, the agent: "Are you sure that's the name of the town?" "Yes, what flights do you have?" replied the customer. After some searching, the agent came back with, "I'm sorry, ma'am, I've looked up every airport code in the country and can't find a Hippopotamus anywhere." The customer retorted, "Oh don't be silly. Everyone knows where it is. Check your map!" The agent scoured a map of the state of New York and finally offered, "You don't mean Buffalo, do you?" "That's it! I knew it was a big animal!"

[twistedblister]

So one electron says to the other, "I've lost my charge" and the other electron says, "Are you positive?"

hoot.

[twistedblister]

I thought this one up at work its really bad.

Q-Why don't japanese fish talk much?
A-Because their koi.
Bad right its funny if you know what koi is.

not bad man. good use of word pun logic.

[twistedblister]

A woman decides to have a facelift for her birthday. She spends $5,000.00 and feels pretty good about the results. On her way home she stops at a newsstand to buy a paper. Before leaving she asks the sales clerk, "I hope you don't mind my asking, but how old do you think I am?"

"About 32 " the clerk replies.

"I'm actually 47," the woman says happily.

A little while later she goes into McDonald's and asks the counter girl the same question. She replies,"I'd guess about 29."

The woman replies, "Nope, I'm 47." Now she's feeling really good about herself.

While waiting for the bus home, she asks an old man the same question. He replies, "I'm 78 and my eyesight is going. Although, when I was young there was a sure way to tell how old a woman was, but it requires you to let me put my hands down your panties. Then I can tell exactly how old you are."

They waited in silence on the empty street until curiosity got the best of the woman and she finally says, "What the hell, go ahead."

The old man slips both hands down her panties and begins to feel around. After a couple of minutes she says, "Okay, Okay, how old am I?"

He removes his hands and says, "You're 47." Stunned, the woman says, "That's amazing. How do you know?".

The old man replies, "I was behind you in McDonald's."



donated from a friend of mine. old joke but a good one.

[twistedblister]

TOP TEN INDICATORS THAT YOUR EMPLOYER HAS CHANGED TO A CHEAPER
HEALTH CARE PLAN:

(10) Your annual breast exam is done at Hooters.

(9) Directions to your doctor's office include "Take a left when you enter the trailer park."

(8) The tongue depressors taste faintly of Fudgesicles.

(7) The only proctologist in the plan is "Gus" from Roto-Rooter.

(6) The only item listed under Preventative Care Coverage is "an apple a day."

(5) Your primary care physician is wearing the pants you gave to Goodwill last month.

(4) "The patient is responsible for 200% of out-of-network charges," is not a typographical error.

(3) The only expense covered 100% is "embalming."

(2) Your Prozac comes in different colors with little M's on them.

(1) You ask for Viagra, and they give you a Popsicle stick and duct tape



again from a friend funny stuff

[cloud945076]

hahahaha. oh. haha. nice.
the first ones great. list is pretty funny

[twistedblister]

I have a superP**y one that will slay you . :-) i still quote it when i am out and about and someone sets the wordplay up.

[cloud945076]

lets see it

[WHO_99]

that first one was great hahaha

[Noodlez]

A woman decides to have a facelift for her birthday. She spends $5,000.00 and feels pretty good about the results. On her way home she stops at a newsstand to buy a paper. Before leaving she asks the sales clerk, "I hope you don't mind my asking, but how old do you think I am?"

"About 32 " the clerk replies.

"I'm actually 47," the woman says happily.

A little while later she goes into McDonald's and asks the counter girl the same question. She replies,"I'd guess about 29."

The woman replies, "Nope, I'm 47." Now she's feeling really good about herself.

While waiting for the bus home, she asks an old man the same question. He replies, "I'm 78 and my eyesight is going. Although, when I was young there was a sure way to tell how old a woman was, but it requires you to let me put my hands down your panties. Then I can tell exactly how old you are."

They waited in silence on the empty street until curiosity got the best of the woman and she finally says, "What the hell, go ahead."

The old man slips both hands down her panties and begins to feel around. After a couple of minutes she says, "Okay, Okay, how old am I?"

He removes his hands and says, "You're 47." Stunned, the woman says, "That's amazing. How do you know?".

The old man replies, "I was behind you in McDonald's."



donated from a friend of mine. old joke but a good one.

LMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! evry1 in my job is rolling with that one!!!!

[twistedblister]

There are a couple of variations on the how old the woman is joke but that was a pretty good one. same punch line to them all.

[twistedblister]

dirty joke warning read on ward only if you are not easily offended.








ok
An eldery woman in a trench coat runs up to an old man in a park. she stops right in front of him and whips open her treanch coat revaling her B-day suit.
She looks him dead in the eye and yells SuperPusy. The old man chokes and grabs his chest in shock and can only mutter meaningless phrasese in response.

The eldery woman contines her run up to anohter bench with an eldery couple sharing lunch. again she whips the coat open revealing herself to them completely
and shouts SuperPusy. the eldery couple ghasp choke and sit glued to the bench in shock.

tearing off like greased lightening the elder woman aproaches her next target an elder man sitting peacefully gazing at the sunset. again she throws open her treanch coat and
yells " SuperPusy"

the man looks her square in the eye and replies

" i'll have the soup please "

[RYANMILLER36]

dirty joke warning read on ward only if you are not easily offended.








ok
An eldery woman in a trench coat runs up to an old man in a park. she stops right in front of him and whips open her treanch coat revaling her B-day suit.
She looks him dead in the eye and yells SuperPusy. The old man chokes and grabs his chest in shock and can only mutter meaningless phrasese in response.

The eldery woman contines her run up to anohter bench with an eldery couple sharing lunch. again she whips the coat open revealing herself to them completely
and shouts SuperPusy. the eldery couple ghasp choke and sit glued to the bench in shock.

tearing off like greased lightening the elder woman aproaches her next target an elder man sitting peacefully gazing at the sunset. again she throws open her treanch coat and
yells " SuperPusy"

the man looks her square in the eye and replies

" i'll have the soup please "

lol these are really good.

[twistedblister]

any time i now hear super and anything i alwys say i 'll have the soup please.

got another but having to type it all out is a b***h